Doing Is Driving Me Mad

I woke up at 6am. I felt an eagerness to have a full day. I did, I did, I did. I did all the things one could do. I could list them for you and you would be so impressed with all my doing. I even wrote an article about how I was discovering new parts of my weird self through all of this doing. I moved from one invented task to the next. Walking, baking, working out, calling, driving, cleaning, rearranging. So much rearranging! And then whilst I was snipping the fast-growing flowers, I sliced my finger open with the scissor. I just straight cut into my pinky. Ok. Stop. Here it is. My lesson. Stop with the obsessive momentum Bevan, You are trying to avoid something. Maybe it’s fear of boredom, of sadness of any emotion really. You are trying to “do” your way out of this. But that quite simply, is not how it works. I’m listening to my thoughts and while I’m doing one thing I’m creating lists of other things I can do when I’m done. It’s an exhaustive practice and it leads to discontentment and frazzled feelings. I am avoiding my discomfort. Exhale. Let’s try again. Being mindful does not mean not doing, It means doing what you are doing. Being present. I am trimming the flowers. I am trimming the flowers. I am trimming the flowers. That way, we won’t cut ourserves again. I have two band-aids on my hands, One from the cut, the other from burning my finger on incense that dropped on me while I was on a call. And then there is the bump on my head from the cabinet of course. I was multitasking. Trying to be productive to make myself proud. Bevan you don’t have to do all of these things. You are enough. Now write and be present for the writing. It is enough.